What Do I Do?

*sigh*

I seem like a super whiny teenage girl on this blog... and I suppose I am.

I really like him.

And it sucks.

So.

Much.

Why can't it just be like it is in the movies? You meet someone, you 'click', you get together, and you live happily ever after.

Oh right. Because this isn't the movies. Silly me.

A few months can be a long time, like, would we even work out? We might not even make a few months... It's ridiculous that he doesn't want to even try. *sigh* But then he's got his ex-girlfriend waiting for him... Which is crazy, but to each their own, I suppose.

But the thing is, I'm here NOW, and we like each other. Both physically and mentally, I think. So... I don't know why we can't just give it a shot and see what happens...

So... Do I give up? Or do I try harder?

Does it matter either way?

Probably not.

*sigh*

...

So I think I'm losing it.

I keep hearing this weird whooshing noise and I can't figure out where it's coming from... I thought it was from outside my window like, at my neighbour's house, but I don't know 'cause I heard it in the bathroom too...

Then I thought I could hear a voice before.

Ohmygod I'm losing my mind.

Then there's all the pressure of Stevie being sick, probably dying. And I can't do a thing to help...

So, recap: I'm going insane, and I'm useless.

Damn I'm awesome.

Why?

Why? Seriously. Why is this affecting me so much?

Most people feel flattered if somebody likes them. But not me, no, I have to feel bad about it. Is it because I feel like I used him? Or because I think he's just a little bit... peculiar...? Or... I dunno... He's attractive enough, but shorter than me... Gah.

Oh, and I still like my friend/my friend's ex.

Congratulations me.

Dammit.

Bleh.

Never.

Never like someone who is totally out of your league.

And your friend's ex.

It just makes it all much more confusing, and difficult. Especially since it's so NOT going to happen because, as previously stated, he is completely out of my league. Oh, and he probably doesn't like me like THAT anyway since his last girlfriend was like... I dunno, a size 6? 8? I dunno, something much, much tinier than myself. And you know, I'm insanely neurotic and she so wasn't or isn't... Or whatever.

Eurgh.

I hate my appearance, my self esteem, my complete failure with intimacy/flirting/relationships.

I suck.